Today I had one of my boarding school dreams. I was sitting in the car outside the boarding house with all my worldly goods crammed in the back. The carpark was empty, the sky unreal, and I was saying I’m too old for this. But still I went in. I sat in the corridor with my bags beside me. All the lights were off — it was just me and the bags and the apocalyptic light from the unreal sky blazing in through the windows.
I often dream that I’m back at school. I’m not sure what it means. It’s not particularly traumatic, though. Just a bit disorienting. When I was little I always dreamed I was in a moving car heading downhill with no brakes. I think that might have had something to do with being a very little person in a very big world, and having next to no control over it. That was probably one of my biggest childhood preoccupations, looking back on it. The problem of scale. The incomputable me-to-the-world ratio.
I don’t know whether to blame my absence here on lethargy or stagefright. Or something else entirely. But let’s just chalk it up to lethargy — it’s easier, and probably not the worst explanation in the world.
For some reason — I think it might have something to do with thoughts of little girls attempting to take on the world — the film Paper Moon just came to me. I love that film. I wrote a lot of bad poetry about that film once, a very long time ago. And now that I live four minutes’ walk away from Aro Video I can probably get it out and watch it.
Tonight I did my squirrel trick and made food to stockpile while watching recorded house renovation programmes off the Living Channel, and then we went to see The New Pornographers. They were good. And I took lots of photos of THE VIC from the San Fran Bathhouse balcony. Like this one.
I have work tomorrow. I do mean to write more. I will, really. I will.
Filed under: arrested development, daytoday, meandering, memory, music, things I like | 3 Comments
Tags: dreams, every day, music, Paper Moon, The New Pornographers, writing